The Run

It's one of the worst things to be told as someone who keeps mentally well through exercise, you have a broken neck and will be unable to train to capacity for at least 3 months and you can't run for at least 2 months.  Those words cut like a knife, "you can't run", not even a slow jog.  4 weeks before you will even begin to walk outside again.  So, to hear the words, "2 more weeks you can try running" is like heaven to the ears!  I was like a kid in a candy store.  I remember bouncing in the chair when the orthopaedic specialist said 14 more days.

But when last Thursday came, I just couldn't do it.  I didn't feel physically or mentally ready.  Thursday came & went, then Friday, Saturday & Sunday I finally thought this is it.  I've got to get out there or the fear will kick in and I may never feel confident again.  So off I took, too frightened to go on my own (I've always ran on my own) so my partner and daughter came with me for support and stayed with me incase anything went wrong.  That feeling of starting over again?  Shattering and exhilarating at the same time.  Disappointing that I have to go through all those emotions all over again and all the hard work to drop the 13kgs that I've put in but at the same time it's exciting that I'll again be able to challenge my mind and body and see where some hard work can take me. 

The run was both terrible and fantastic.  Terrible because 2kms in I wanted to quit.  Quit running for good and a fantastic feeling when I pushed though all those negative thoughts and made it to the end of the 4kms without stopping.  What does the 'run' represent to me?  Being well, both in a physical and emotional sense.  Writing is the other thing that keeps me well and feeling whole.  So here's to many more wonderful running stories to write about and staying well and hopefully managing that ironman in the future.  I don't really know what the future holds for me, with the PTSD and now the injuries and the brain injury, but I do know with all certainty I will continue with therapy, continue writing about it, go to my hospital appointments and keep putting one foot in front of the other on the hopes that it one day inspires even just one person to do the same.

Stay well.  Stay safe.

Donna Xo