The Bike Accident

The morning of the 10th September 2017 wasn't that much different than any other, one thing I guess that stood out was my mood.  It was somewhat brighter than it had been for a long time.  I had completed a level 1 running coach course and looked forward to the many new things I could embark on in the future.  I remember my daughter saying as I headed to the garage to get my bike out for my long ride, "mum, you look so happy. Have a great ride won't you".  I remember saying "thank you honey I will". With that said, I shut the front door not thinking for one second my life would change (thankfully only temporarily) so drastically with that one decision.

I decided to embark on a long ride (for me just starting back I was thinking between 40-50kms) as I had a dream to enter Challenge Melbourne Half Ironman in April 2018.  Again I say a dream.  Training always helps keep the darkness away.  Lightens the darkest of days with hope.  I noticed my tyre was a little flat and for that split second I had thought what a good excuse to stay indoors but then the realisation that the symptoms of the PTSD weren't going to get any better sitting around kicked in and I pumped it up and headed off.

It was awsome, the wind in my face, the smell of freshly cut grass, the sound of people playing tennis and cricket as I flew past the clubs along the track.  This is living I thought.  I got around 10kms in and went to sip some water when it hit me that I had left the bottle freshly filled on the kitchen bench at home.  I decided to go home as there was no way I'd make another 30kms without water so that's what I did.  I took a quick toilet break, grabbed my bottle and continued back on my ride.  Didn't say anything to the kids, I'm not even sure they knew I'd come home.  Took a while to get back into it and settle in but once I did I felt that same sense of living.  That is until a magpie got me in his sights and decided I wasn't welcome on 'his' path.  Swooping again and again I honestly thought he'd never stop.  I rode and rode what felt like eternity but in fact was merely seconds until he left me alone.  I thought one final loop and that's it this ride isn't quite as relaxing as I had hoped.  I did ponder returning home then and there but looking down and seeing 30kms not 40km gave me the inspiration that I needed for the final 10kms.

I saw the lazy (I mean no disrespect) Sunday walkers, three of them taking up the entire pathway.   I went around the one on the right back onto the left side of the path and round the bend oooops.....a rock.  Actually that's an understatement it was a damn big boulder!!  Straight into it at a high speed! Flipped over the handlebars became airborne and landed headfirst on another rock.  I won't bore you with the details but heading into hospital in an ambulance then entering as a trauma patient but having PTSD presents as another whole problem in itself.  That story will be for another day.  Needless to say I fractured 2 vertebra in my neck (C6 & C7) and the first rib was also fractured.  They tell me that's one of the hardest bones to break and takes tremendous force.

No spinal cord damage.  When the nurse told me I broke my neck I thought my kids were playing a prank on me.  Maybe my partner had decided I needed a wake up call and thought he would try this to get me to pull it together.  Then I looked at her face and it was no joke.  She was dead serious.  They wanted to stop me from getting out of the bed so they told me hoping I would take it ok.  I did.  In that moment I realised what an idiot I've been.  How selfish and how I was ardenant the world owed me a damn favour!  The world owes me nothing.  I'll get back what I give and clearly I wasn't giving much.

So I've created this blog 'finally' as a way to empower myself to move forward each day. Accept things won't always go my way but also and most importantly to share the good stuff with someone.  Living with PTSD most of my life (not that I knew I had it) has meant I've led a life that's very isolated and lonely.  At times I feel extremely sad.

This blog won't always be a happy one as some days are pure hell stuck in darkness for me.  But I hope that it's real.  I am a normal person reacting normally to abnormal situations and haven't learnt coping mechanisms to defeat the PTSD YET!  that's my new favourite word.  There's no such thing as never, only yet.  So I'm YET to start back in my triathlon training as I have to undergo rehabilitation first, I only just finished from a torn hip and got my palindromic arthritis pain under control, but I vow to return by Christmas and compete in an ironman by the end of 2018!

Please excuse as no proofreading has occurred I'm too damn tired and my neck is killing me.

Until next time......due for some pain meds and rest.......

Fashionably Mental
Donna