A New Battle

Follow-up x-ray

Afternoon,

This isn't something I really wanted to do, believe it or not we all like an element of privacy to our lives, yes even me, but I've been advised it's better to do it now than have people mis-interpret things or read into things too much making my symptoms of PTSD even worse.  As you all know I had a cycling accident on 10th September.  I already suffered from a rare form of arthritis which was I was managing really well with exercising with my trainer Belinda but I was struggling with severe symptoms of PTSD to the point that I felt that suicide may be my only option, after 6 months of screaming for someone to help me I stumbled (literally) across a clinic that took me on pro bono with proper specialised trauma therapy (I would gladly name the clinic but due to disclosure I'm not able to, however they are named in my very private journals. I think it's pretty well known I have been so grateful to them and I feel safe and able to talk for the first time about my past without slurring and shaking, it's been wonderful to know for myself and for others, with proper grounding techniques and a safe place that you yourself create, you can begin to heal, granted, it's not easy nor is it an overnight thing but it does work, there is hope so don't give up anyone reading this that has PTSD or C-PTSD.

Today I had an x-ray, rib is still cracked all the way through although I still believe that Thursday I will be able to start some rehab and swimming.  Maybe some light jogging or at least a spin class.  The rib will heal so that's not a problem, pain is not something that's new to me at all, I can cope with the thought of another month or so.  

So, what's the big deal I can hear you asking, we've heard all this before, yes you have and it's probably getting old, but when it comes to being repetitive and confused (like I am with the PTSD) those that are close to me and love me, my family and close friends unfortunately will need to get used to it for a while.  I found out today I have ontop of the arthritis, breaks & PTSD TBI.  That's short for Traumatic Brain Injury.  I forget almost everything (friends birthdays, appointments, phone calls) even when they are written down and I'm sent several reminders.  Lately I've either forgotten to eat all together or I've had several meals in the space of an hour because I forgot I'd already eaten.  I discovered how bad it was when adam purchased an extra large jar of coffee (i am the only coffee drinker in the house) and it was halfway down 2 days later.  I've been forgetting I've already had my morning coffee and repeated the ritual over and over.  I've put on almost 15kgs now and still counting.  I knew something was really wrong.

They told me it must have been incredible force to break the first rib, it's so encased and it's rarely seen even in horrific car accidents.  Unfortunately I hit in the right spot with enough force.  Speaking of force, I also hit my head too, meaning that my brain has copped a beating, leaving it badly injured where it's not able to work properly for now.  I was struggling with some disassociation from the PTSD but this is different.  I'm not able to remember anything much at all, conversations, texts, e-mails, phone calls, appointments, things I have to do etc.

I'm not asking for sympathy, ok maybe a little, but if I seem confused or forgetful write down what I've forgotten and tell me so I am able to work with some strategies for managing it til the swelling resides.  It will go down and I will get better but bear with me.  For now everything has to be written down and I have a star on my hand to remind me to check the list regularly.  Do I feel like a freak? Hell yes! But please don't make me feel like one by treating me differently because I can't remember a conversation we had, plans I may agree too or even a Birthday (I'm so so sorry Hamish & sarina I would never intentionally hurt you).  Justvtreat me like me.  Crazy, loud Donna.  I'm still the same me with the same feelings.

I'm doing everything I can to get better & plan on attacking rehabilitation with a vengeance as soon as I find out what I can do on Thursday.

Stay safe my friends.

Donna Xo